منتديات شبكة شعاع الدعوية للتعليم عن بعد - The Prophet’s Methods for Correcting People’s Mistakes

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رد: The Prophet’s Methods for Correcting People’s Mistakes

32 - Turning a blind eye to some mistakes and being content to just hint about them, out of respect to the person who is making the mistake.

:And (remember) when the Prophet disclosed a matter in confidence to one of his wives (Hafsah), so when she told it (to another, i.e., ‘Aa`ishah ), and Allaah made it known to him, he informed part thereof and left a part. Then when he told her (Hafsah) thereof, she said: ‘Who told you this?’ He said, ‘The All-Knower, the All-Aware (Allaah) has told me.’ ” [al-Tahreem 66:3 – interpretation of the meaning]

Al-Qaasimi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Mahaasin al-Ta’weel:

“ ‘And remember when the Prophet’ refers to Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). ‘To one of his wives’ refers to Hafsah. ‘A matter in confidence’ means that she was not allowed to disclose it, or what he forbade for himself although Allaah had allowed it. ‘When she told it’ means that she told the secret to her companion (‘Aa`ishah ). ‘Allaah made it known to him’ means that Allaah told him what Hafsah had told ‘Aa`ishah . ‘He informed part thereof’ means that he told her part of what she had divulged as a rebuke; ‘and left a part’ means that he did not say some of it, out of respect to her.”

It is noted in al-Ikleel: “The aayah indicates that there is nothing wrong with speaking in a secretive way to one whom you trust such as a spouse or friend, and that he or she is obliged to keep the secret. The aayah also indicates good treatment of wives, gentleness when rebuking and refraining from seeking out every fault.” (Mahaasin al-Ta’weel, 16/222)

Al-Hasan said: “No noble person will pick on every little fault.” Sufyaan said: “Turning a blind eye is the action of noble people.”

33 - Helping a Muslim to correct his mistake. Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:

“Whilst we were sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), a man came to him and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I am doomed!’ He said, ‘What is the matter with you?’ He said, ‘I had intercourse with my wife whilst I was fasting.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Are you able to set a slave free?’ He said, ‘No.’ He asked, ‘Can you fast for two consecutive months?’ He said, ‘No.’ he said, ‘Can you feed sixty poor persons?’ He said, ‘No.’ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said nothing more about the matter for a while, and whilst we were sitting there like that, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was brought a large vessel full of dates. He said, ‘Where is the one who was asking just now?’ The man said, ‘Here I am.’ He said, ‘Take this and give it in charity.’ The man said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, is there anyone poorer between al-Harratayn [i.e., in Madeenah] than my family?’ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) smiled so broadly that his eyeteeth could be seen, then he said, ‘Feed it to your family.’” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, no. 1936).

According to a report narrated by Ahmad from ‘Aa`ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), whilst the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was sitting in the shade of a large tree, a man came to him and said,

“I am burnt, O Messenger of Allaah!” He said, “What is the matter with you?” He said, “I had intercourse with my wife whilst I was fasting.” ‘Aa`ishah said: this was in Ramadaan. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, “Sit down.” So he sat down at the edge of the group of people. Then a man brought a donkey on which was a vessel of dates, and said, “This is my sadaqah (charity), O Messenger of Allaah.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Where is the burnt one who was here just now?” The man said, “Here I am, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said, “Take this and give it in charity.” He said, “To whom should I give it except myself? By the One Who sent you with the truth, I do not have anything for myself and my children.” He said, “Then take it,” so he took it. (al-Musnad, 6/276)

34 - Meeting with the person who has made the mistake to talk it over. In Saheeh al-Bukhaari it is reported that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr said: “My father married me to a woman from a good family. He used to come and check on his daughter in law, and ask her about her husband. She would say, ‘What a good man he is. He has never slept in our bed or disturbed us since we got married.’ When this had gone on for a long time, he mentioned it to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said,

‘Let me meet with him.’ So I met with him after that, and he said, ‘How often do you fast?’ I said, ‘Every day.’ He said, ‘How often do you complete the Qur`aan?’ I said, ‘Every night.’ He said, ‘Fast three days of every month, and complete the Qur`aan once a month.’ I said, ‘I can do more than that.’ He said, ‘Fast three days every week.’ I said, ‘I can do more than that.’ He said, ‘Don’t fast for two days, then sfast for one day.’ I said, ‘I can do more than that.’ He said, ‘Observe the best kind of fast, the fast of Dawood, fasting one day then not fasting the next, and complete the Qur`aan once every seven days.’

I wish that I had accepted the dispensation of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), because when I became old and weak I started to read one seventh of the Qur`aan to my family during the day, and whatever I read during the day makes it easier to complete it at night. If I want to help myself, I do not fast for a number of days, then I count the number of days I did not fast and fast the same number of days. I do not want to give up something that I promised the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) I would do before he died.” Abu ‘Abd-Allaah said: “Some of them said in three, and in five, and most of them said in seven.” (al-Fath, 5052)

A report narrated by Ahmad describes the matter more clearly and contains important lessons: ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr said: “My father married me to a woman from Quraysh. When she entered upon me I did not approach her because I was so enthusiastic about worshipping Allaah by fasting and praying. ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas came to his daughter in law and asked her, ‘How do you find your husband?’ She said, ‘He is the best of men, or he is like the best of husbands among men. He has never disturbed us and he has never slept in our bed.’ So he came to me and told me off. (Ibn al-Atheer said: … according to another hadeeth, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas said: ‘So my father came to me and told me off.’ Al-Nihaayah 3/200). He said, ‘I married you to a woman from a good family of Quraysh, and you are neglecting her (i.e., not treating her as a wife) and you are doing such and such.’ Then he went to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and complained about me. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent for me and I came to him. He said to me,

‘Do you fast during the day?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Do you pray (qiyaam) at night?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘But I fast and I break my fast, I pray and I sleep, and I go to my wives. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah has nothing to do with me.’ He said, ‘Read the Qur`aan once a month.’ I said, ‘I can do more than that.’ He said, ‘Read it once every ten days.’ I said, ‘I can do more than that.’ One of them – either Husayn or Mugheerah – said, ‘Read it every three days.’ He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] said: ‘Fast three days of every month.’ I said, ‘I can do more than that.’ He kept increasing the number until he said, ‘Fast one day and do not fast the next day. This is the best of fasts, the fast of my brother Dawood.’

Husayn said in his narration of the hadeeth: then the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

‘Every worshipper has a time when he is motivated and keen, and after every such time comes a time of slackening, where he either follows the Sunnah or follows bid’ah. The one whose slackening follows Sunnah is guided, but the one whose slackening follows bid’ah is doomed.’”

Mujaahid said: “When ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr grew old and weak, he would fast for several days at a time, so that he could grow stronger, then he would break his fast for a similar number of days. He would read his portion of the Qur`aan in like manner, sometimes reading more, sometimes reading less, so that he would finish the entire Qur`aan in seven days or in three days. After that he would say, ‘I wish that I had accepted the dispensation of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), for it would be better for me than what I chose for myself, or I left him saying that I would do something and I would hate to do something else.’” (Al-Musnad, 2/158. Ahmad Shaakir said: its isnaad is saheeh. Tahqeeq al-Musnad, no. 6477).

Among the things we learn from this story are:

1. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) understood the cause of the problem, which was that [‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr] was exhausting himself in worship to the point that he did not have time to take care of his duties towards his wife, so he was falling short.

2. The principle of paying due attention to everyone who has rights over one applies to anyone who is preoccupied with matters of worship, such as a student who is giving so many lessons, or a daa’iyah who is so busy with his da’wah that his wife complains of mistreatment. This can lead to a loss of balance in carrying out different acts of worship and dividing one’s time among all those who are making rightful claims on it. So there is nothing wrong with the teacher reducing the number of lessons he gives, or the daa’iyah reducing his activities so as to allow himself enough time to take care of his home, wife and children, and give them their rights as regards guidance, companionship and education.

رد: The Prophet’s Methods for Correcting People’s Mistakes

35 - Speaking bluntly to a person about the mistake he is making. Al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) reported that Abu Dharr said: “There was an argument between me and another man. His mother was a non-Arab, and I said something insulting about her. He mentioned this to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who asked me,

‘Did you trade insults with so-and-so?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Did you say something insulting about his mother?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘You are a man who still has something of jaahiliyyah in you.’ I said, ‘I said what I said because I am getting old.’ He said, ‘Yes, but they are your brothers. Allaah has given you power over them, but whoever is given power over someone, let him feed him as he feeds himself, clothe him as he clothes himself, and not give him more work to do than he is able. If he does give him too much work, let him help him.’ ” (Fath, 6050)

In Saheeh Muslim it is reported that Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:

“I had an argument with one of my brothers. His mother was non-Arab, and I said something insulting to him about his mother. He complained about me to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) met me, he said,

‘O Abu Dharr, you are a man who still has something of jaahiliyyah in him.’ I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, whoever insults a person, people will insult his father and mother.’ He said, ‘O Abu Dharr, you are a man who still has something of jaahiliyyah in him. They are your brothers[1], and Allaah has given you power over them, so feed them as you feed yourself and clothe them as you clothe yourself. Do not give them more work than they can do, and if you give them too much to do, then help them.’ ” (Saheeh Muslim, no. 1661).

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke in this straightforward and open manner to Abu Dharr because he knew he would accept it. Such a blunt approach can be a useful method that saves times and energy, and gets the point across in the easiest manner, but it should only be done when it is appropriate to the situation and the people involved.

This direct approach may be better not used if it will lead to something worse or if it means that a greater interest will not be achieved, for example if the person making the mistake is in a position of power and authority and would not accept such frank comments, or if a direct approach would cause too much embarrassment to the person who is doing wrong. It should also not be used if the person is extra sensitive and is likely to react badly. Undoubtedly a direct approach will be too much for a person to take if it is made in a spirit of confrontation and with the aim of causing embarrassment and showing him up at the time when his critic appears superior. Similarly it is essential to be cautious about using “indirect” methods whose multiple negative effects may outweigh the benefits of a direct approach, because they may make the wrongdoer think that the one who is advising him thinks he is stupid or that he is playing about, or because they may offend him because he thinks he is making snide remarks. This way of pointing out what is right may not be effective, because what is being said may not be clear to the person addressed, so he will keep on making the mistake. Generally speaking, people differ when it comes to accepting advice, and the right approach will differ in each case, but a good attitude in discussing mistakes and guiding people will also have the greatest effect in achieving the desired goal.

36 - Persuading a person that he is making a mistake. Engaging in a discussion with a wrongdoer with the aim of convincing him may lead to the removal of the blinds over his eyes and bringing him back to the Straight Path. An example of this is the report narrated by al-Tabaraani (may Allaah have mercy on him) in al-Mu’jam al-Kabeer from Abu Umaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him), who said that a young man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said,

“O Messenger of Allaah, give me permission to commit zinaa (fornication or adultery).” The people shouted [at him] and [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] said, “Stop it!’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Let him calm down. Come here.” He came and sat in front of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said to him, “Would you like it for your mother?” He said, “No.” He said, “Likewise, people do not like it for their mothers. Would you like it for your daughter?” He said, “No.” He said, “Likewise, people do not like it for their daughters. Would you like it for your sister?” He said, “No.” He said, “Likewise, people do not like it for their sisters. Would you like it for your (paternal) aunt?” He said, “No.” He said, “Likewise, people do not like it for their (paternal) aunts. Would you like it for your (maternal) aunt?” He said, “No.” He said, “Likewise, people do not like it for their (maternal) aunts.” Then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) put his hand on his chest and said, “O Allaah, forgive his sins, purify his heart and make him chaste.” (Al-Tabaraani, al-Mu’jam al-Kabeer, 7679 and 7759. Additional material is included between square brackets).

37 - Making a person understand that his flimsy excuse is not acceptable. Some people who make mistakes try to offer made-up, unacceptable excuses, especially when they are caught red-handed. Indeed, some of them may appear to be stammering when they give their flimsy excuses, especially those who are not good at lying because they are basically good at heart. How should the educator act when he comes across a situation like this? The following story demonstrates the brilliant attitude of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when dealing with one of his Companions in a situation of this nature. The story also shows us how the educator should persistently follow up until the person gives up his wrong attitude.

Khuwwaat ibn Jubayr (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “We made camp with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) at Mar al-Zahraan (a place near Makkah). I came out of my tent and saw some women talking amongst themselves. I liked them, so I went back, got out my trunk and took out a hillah (a suit of clothes). I put it on and came and sat with them. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came out and said, ‘O Abu ‘Abd-Allaah!!” (i.e., he was reprimanding him for sitting with those non-mahrem women). When I saw the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), I got scared and started stammering (trying to come up with an excuse). I said, “O Messenger of Allaah, my camel got lost and I am looking for a rope to restrain it” (i.e., he came up with a false excuse to justify what he had done). He left, and I followed him. He threw his cloak at me and went in among some araak trees – and it is as if I can see the whiteness of his back against the greenness of the araak trees. He answered the call of nature and did wudoo’, and turned (to me) with the water dripping from his beard onto his chest, and said: “O Abu ‘Abd-Allaah, what happened to your lost camel?” Then we continued on our journey, and whenever he caught up with me, he would say, “Assalaamu aleika Abu ‘Abd-Allaah. What happened to that lost camel?” When I realized this, I hastened on to Madeenah and avoided the mosque and gatherings where the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was present. When this had gone on for a long time, I tried to go to the mosque when no one else was around. I went to the mosque and started to pray, but the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came out of one of his apartments and started to pray two short rak’ahs. I made my prayer long, hoping that he would go away and leave me. He said, ‘Make it as long as you like, O Abu ‘Abd-Allaah, for I am not leaving until you finish.’ I said to myself, ‘By Allaah, I should apologize to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and make him happy.’ When I had finished, he said, ‘Al-salaamu ‘alayka, O Abu ‘Abd-Allaah. What happened to your lost camel?’ I said, ‘By the One Who sent you with the truth, that camel has never gotten lost since the time I became a Muslim.’ He said, ‘May Allaah have mercy on you’ three times, then he never mentioned it again.” (Al-Haythami said: al-Tabaraani reported it with two isnaads. The men of one of them are all saheeh apart from al-Jarraah ibn Mukhallad, who is thiqah. Al-Majma’, 9/401. Upon referring to al-Mu’jam al-Kabeer by al-Tabaraani, 4/203, it becomes clear that the report from Zayd ibn Aslam is talking about Khuwwaat ibn Jubayr, who said, ‘We made camp …’ In the biography of Khuwwaat (may Allaah be pleased with him) in al-Tahdheeb it says: Zayd ibn Aslam reported mursal from him. In al-Isaabah it says that Khuwwaat died in 40 or 42 AH, and in al-Siyar it says that Zayd ibn Aslam died in 136 AH; on this basis there is a break in the isnaad).

[1] It seems as if the man was a dervant or a slave. (e)

رد: The Prophet’s Methods for Correcting People’s Mistakes

This is a brilliant study in training and the use of wise strategies to achieve the desired result. We may also learn the following points from this story:

1. A person who has committed a sin will feel shy of a respected leader when he catches him out.

2. The way the educator looks at and questions a person – even though it may be very brief – will have a great impact on him.

3. Not discussing a false excuse at the time of hearing it – even though it is clearly made up – and turning away from the person may be enough to make him realize that his excuse is not acceptable, which will motivate him to repent and apologize. This is what we understand from the phrase “he left.”

4. The good educator is the one who makes the person who has made a mistake feel too shy of him, so that he tries to hide away from him, but at the same time, his need for him makes him want to come to him. Then the latter takes precedence over the former.

5. The change of attitude towards the wrongdoer is based – in this case – on the wrongdoer’s admission that he was wrong and his giving up the thing he had done.

If the educator or leader is held in high esteem by his companions, then if he rebukes one of them or tells him that he has made a mistake, this will have an effect on him. The leader should pay attention to the interests of others when rebuking one of his companions, so that all may benefit from it. However, this should not mean that he should ignore any negative effect on that particular individual. That can be dealt with and its effects limited in many ways, even though a third party, as al-Mugheerah did when he asked ‘Umar to be a mediator whilst at the same time explaining the situation and affirming how highly the leader thinks of the follower.

38 - Paying attention to things that are inherent in human nature. An example of this is the jealousy of women, especially in the case of co-wives, some of whom may make mistakes that, if they were made by anyone else under normal circumstances, would be treated quite differently. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pay special attention to the issue of jealousy among his wives and the mistakes that were made by them as a result, and the patience, justice and fairness with which he handled the matter are plain to see. An example of this is the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) in his Saheeh from Anas, who said:

“The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was with one of his wives when another of the Mothers of the Believers sent a big vessel full of food to him. The wife in whose house the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was present struck the hand of the servant, and the vessel fell and broke in two. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) picked up the pieces and put them together, then he gathered up the food that had been in the vessel and said, ‘Your mother is jealous.’ Then he asked the servant to wait until he was given the vessel belonging to the wife in whose house he was, and he sent the whole vessel to the wife whose vessel had been broken, and kept the broken vessel in the house of the one who had broken it.” (Fath, 5225)

According to a report narrated by al-Nisaa`i (Kitaab ‘Ishrat al-Nisaa’), Umm Salamah brought some food in a vessel belonging to her to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his companions, then ‘Aa`ishah came wrapped in a garment, carrying a stone, which she threw and broke the vessel. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) put the two halves back together and said,

“Eat, your mother is jealous…”

…twice, then he took ‘Aa`ishah’s vessel and sent it to Umm Salamah, and gave Umm Salamah’s vessel to ‘Aa`ishah.

According to a report narrated by al-Daarimi (Kitaab al-Buyoo’, Baab man kasara shay’an fa ‘alayhi mithluhu) from Anas, he said:

“One of the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent him a vessel in which was some thareed [a dish of sopped bread, meat and broth], when he was in the house of one of his other wives, who struck the vessel and broke it. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) started to pick up the thareed and put it back into the vessel, saying, ‘Eat, your mother is jealous…’ ”

Women’s jealousy is an inherent part of their nature, that may cause them to do bad things and prevent them from seeing the consequences of their actions. It was said that when a woman is jealous, she cannot see the bottom of a valley from its top.

رد: The Prophet’s Methods for Correcting People’s Mistakes

Conclusion

Following this exploration of the Sunnah and the me-thods which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used in dealing with people’s mistakes, we should conclude by mentioning the following points:
1. Correcting mistakes is obligatory and very impor-tant. It is part of naseehah (giving sincere advice) and forbidding what is evil, but it should be remembered that Islam is not only about forbidding what is evil; we are also commanded to enjoin what is good.
2. Education and training are not merely the matter of correcting mistakes; they also involve teaching and showing the basic principles of religion and the rules of sharee’ah, and using various methods to establish these concepts firmly in people’s minds and hearts, by exam-ple, by exhorting them, by telling stories, by discussing incidents, etc. From this it is clear that some parents and teachers are falling short by confining their efforts only to addressing mistakes without paying due attention to teaching the basics or dealing with mistakes before they happen by instilling that which will protect people from committing mistakes in the first place, or at least reduce their impact.
3. It is clear from the incidents and stories mentioned above that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used different approaches in dealing with dif-ferent mistakes. This is because circumstances and per-sonalities vary. Whoever understands this and wants to follow suit must compare the situation he is dealing with, with these examples to find the one that most closely resembles it, so that he can determine the most appropriate approach to use.
We ask Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, to guide us and protect us, to make us openers of good and closers of evil, and to guide others through us, for He is the All-Hearing, the Ever-Near, Who answers prayers. He is the Best of supporters and the Best of helpers, and He is the Guide to the Straight Path. May Allaah bless the Unlettered Prophet and all his family and companions. Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds.